When a woman touches you

Just got back from a party. Not really sure what the point of this blog post is. I’m just recording my thoughts.

So I went to the party with this girl who I’m casually dating. She’s a former Tri-Delt, from Mississippi. I’ve dated a lot of sorority girls but never a Tri-Delt. I should be too old, too mature to care about stupid shit like this but I guess I’m not because I still think it’s cool.

There were a couple of guys there who I know were in love my date. They had tried unsuccessfully to ask her out in the past but she wasn’t interested. They were both acting totally puppy love-ish with her. Hey, more power to them. If either of them manage to get her to go out with them, then I say go be happy. I mean, she’s fun and sexy. We have a great time together and I care about her, but I don’t see myself settling down with her.

So there I was talking to a big group of people including the two guys who are in love with my date, when someone starts touching my back. I turn around and it’s a stunning, tall blonde girl, someone I’ve never met before. She says “you have hair on your back. Do you have a dog, or a cat?”

Now, this is basic knowledge which I think every guy knows which is if a woman touches you, she likes you. There are really very few exceptions to this. However, I can think back to my darkest days back when I had little confidence and I can imagine my old self interpreting a girl, especially a beautiful blonde girl, picking hair off my back as a kind of insult. Good thing I’m past those days. I knew that she was trying to get my attention so I said “no, I don’t have a pet. But you just wanted to get my attention didn’t you?” There’s no freakin’ way the old me would have been able to pull off that line.

I came at her strong because she seemed pretty confident. You have to really gauge sometimes because I think the same line would have made a less bold girl back away. I like to just go with what I’m feeling and at the time I felt it was the right thing to say. It obviously was the right thing to say because we chatted for a little while and really hit it off. I very discretely got her number because I didn’t want to disrespect my date by hitting on another girl right in front of her, although I guess that’s exactly what I did. That’s okay though because we’re obviously not exclusive.

Man, when I think about how my life has changed in just a matter of a few years it blows my mind.

 

My thoughts on activism

So I mentioned in a previous post that there was an activist flame lit in me. I thought media stereotypes were holding me back. I thought that if the media were to portray Asian men in a favorable light, I would have an easier time of it. I thought that if other Asian men were successful with women, I could ride the wave of their success.

What a crock of shit. Really, think about it. If media stereotypes mattered, what about white guys? I know way more white guys who are hopeless with women than Asian guys. When you are a real live, flesh and blood man standing in front of a woman, all those stereotypes go out the window. All that matters is the connection, the energy between two people.

I came to the conclusion that any dating difficulties that Asian American men face lies far more within our own heads than it does in the media. I also concluded that the very nature of protest is emasculating. You are basically conceding your power and complaining. You gain more power by taking control of your destiny, and saying “all that noise out there is bullshit static. I am a effin’ force of nature and nothing can stand in my way.”

I tried to post these thoughts on an Asian American discussion board a while back and oooh boy, the shit I caught from all the other posters was deafening. They called me a sellout, a white person in disguise. One guy said that the only white people he allows himself to be friends with are the ones who acknowledge the plight and the victim status of Asians in America. I was thinking, are f#@$’n kidding me? btw – Asian American messageboards are just filled with poisonous, disempowering thought. I dunno, I’m just generalizing but if there are healthy ones out there I haven’t seen them.

And it turns out I’m not alone. Check out this guy – he basically says the same thing I’ve been saying for years.

Edit: Welcome Fighting 44 readers! I see I’ve been linked there and there’s been a spike in traffic. Just for the record, I was not talking about the Fighting 44s in this blog post. I think I’ve been to the Fight 44s a couple of times, maybe even posted there. You have some interesting articles but I tend to stay away from the boards. Nothing personal, it’s just based on principle.

I was specifically talking about the A Magazine boards. That’s where I got the hostile feedback, years ago. Ever since then, I’ve stayed away from Asian American activism boards. A brief glimpse at Model Minority just reaffirmed by stance.

I should take a look at Fighting 44s. Maybe it’s completely different now.